I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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