I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
