he thought i was a dude.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
