"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
