i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
