Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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