I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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