he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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