she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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