I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
