I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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