How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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