tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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