We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
