I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
