I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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