i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
