You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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