Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
