I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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