First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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