I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
