All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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