can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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