Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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