Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
