He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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