4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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