so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
