he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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