New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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