I think i peed on brittanys purse
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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