what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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