They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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