i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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