Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
