I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
