he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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