Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
