Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
