great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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