"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
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I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
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There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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