Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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