Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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