Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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