I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
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they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
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I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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