I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
