I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
