I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
