Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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