we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
