Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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