you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
