Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
