I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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