The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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