yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
