you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
