you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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