i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
