nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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