You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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