When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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