I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
