sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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