Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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