I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
