I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
