So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize