Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
