Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
