I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
