one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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