We need to rekindle our bromance
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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