he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
