There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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