Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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