you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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