went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
