i already hear my dad disowning me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
