just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
