Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
