Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
