well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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