Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
