Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
