Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
