the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
40s are totally the cure
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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